This is how I learned to STOP 'living on autopilot' AND find love
Wondering if I'm alone in this…?
My single mindset
In my many years(-ties ;-)) as a single,
I only looked at the men:
– were good enough…?
– cute enough in a relationship…?
and could I trust them.
All this
without my influence!
Think! Not at any time
I considered my role:
If I went too far
– or exceeded what felt good.
I was living on autopilot
The problem with living on autopilot,
is that it is still like the child who has learned to depend on the environment.
As an adult woman also the same approach
– to be dependent on whether the man does it 'perfectly'.
and it deprives us of the influence on the development of the relationship.
Wow I have made many diagnoses
if he does not behave as expected.
Mentally abusive? Narcissist? Psychopath (-the last one is especially cultivated)
The automaton was humanly made
When I slowly woke up,
it was like being blinded by the sun
Argh… again! again! again!
Have I gone too far?
Recognizable?
But what clarity the sun's rays
conversely also gave
You are guaranteed to know them as
the precious lessons.
Are you influencing the relationship yourself?
That's why I know firsthand that it's about more
to be present in the relationship
By paying attention to: what is going on
Rather than whether he is a certain way.
Do you use him as…
-a 'rescuer',
-is he allowed to speak badly to you? '
-‘Do you think your– without reacting to it?
Is this often what makes us not react!
That's how little you need to start
Start with the two most important focuses:
- Yourself in the situation.
Thereby you find out when something is not quite right.
2) Note, when you are analyzing
a situation…or him.
Instead, consider: “What would you like to say to him?”
Forget the interpretation...: He has also lost, he doesn't know, probably too...
It's the feeling, you have to take care of it.
In this way, I went from living on autopilot,
to get out of the paralysis and create the relationship that I (we) jointly want.
You can do the same.
There's never been a better time to start practicing—right now
If you keep doing the same thing, the same thing will happen.
(PS we do the same if we think the same)
Therefore, if you would like to stop repeating the past,
can you book an interview with me until 14/3
Conversation about love is non-binding, you simply book the time here BOOK NOW
Do You Do This Too… If Your Dating Strategy Doesn't Work?
Do you know it?
You have long gone with the frustration!
Suddenly something dawns on you
maybe someone has suggested something to you…
and the moment you hear the solution, it's like the light bulb turns on in Aha experience.
What happens then?
The interesting thing, how you then take the solution to yourself...
Do you then continue to do the same?
Or you go overge to the previous phase (see the 3-edge below)
So you get what you are missing or have overlooked?
Over half…
Recently, I asked my participants in one of my coaching groups:
"What would you like to get better at in a relationship"
Over half responded
- Good contact with myself - once we are together.
The most important thing in a relationship
The crux of the matter is that if we believe a partner must cover our needs
then we have the recipe for... becoming dissatisfied or unhappy in the relationship.
My boyfriend admitted yesterday that he felt rejected,
when I don't want to listen to an endless stream of research results.
He now knows he has to find other places to fill that need.
Perhaps you yearn for a stronger social network,
and have decided that it is solved by finding him.
Instead, you will achieve a sense of greater freedom by developing it yourself
rather than putting one of your most important keys in his pocket.
Isn't that the fault of the past?
Njahh… yup…
but this insight does not 'save' us.
Although that is guilt of childhood or the past,
that we have acquired unsafe relationship patterns and attachment traumas.
What is needed is for you to free up your resources so that you attract long-lasting love
Not on attracting… the shortcomings, the sadness, the frustration…
which gives you the most focus not to succeed.
You don't have to look back
Did you know that you can find the resources
right now by looking at your current life?
By looking at: "Where the chain smokes off the bike" how is your life now?
We know very well that it is not the chain itself that is the cause of a bad bike
A chain that is constantly falling off is the result of several things:
too long chain, worn sprocket, too large a distance to the wheel, etc
Would you like to create a healthy and loving relationship?
see picture with the pyramid showing
that the foundation of a healthy relationship is a loving self-image
(interesting that it's not the past ;-)…)
Cultivating the shortcomings creates frustration
Therefore, if you are frustrated with your dating situation
so take a step back and cultivate your ability to show yourself,
care and that you take care of yourself.
It is more edifying than continuing with something that breaks you down.
Start by asking yourself:
"Why is a girlfriend so important to me?"
Let's just say this time it's not social
but the joy and physical contact a relationship gives.
Here you can consider dance such as salsa, acro yoga, courses...
all while you continue after a few weeks
with your love journey
Have fun from Life
You can also investigate whether you would like help in my coaching group
Time for FREE conversation
Find out what's stopping you from finding love, book your FREE love conversation here
How to enjoy yourself on Valentine's Day when you're single❤️
Do you experience Valentine's Day as an unpleasant reminder that you are still single?
You might have tried to ignore it for years, maybe put down with a bad feeling,
or been obsessed with the idea that you just had to find a date for the day.
Here are some suggestions for how you get a good experience of the day.
After you read the blog, you know what is essential for feeling good inside
even if you are single on Valentine's Day.
It was a turn around for me
From the day I became aware of the most important thing to be able to attract the right men, namely SELF-LOVE
has this been a faithful companion. It has meant I attract the right men. And reminded me that a love mindset
is essential on a daily basis. That's why in the end, as a single person, I avoided the unloving ones by pretending it was nothing, when now it gave me a stomach ache,
when colleagues talked about their Valentine's Day. That's why you get 3 suggestions for what you can do on Valentine's Day. I myself love to do
what puts me in a wonderful state of complete relaxation, such as the spa, delicious chocolate and a walk somewhere special.
I've never sent flowers to myself, but why not?
Tip #1: Spend the day with your friends
Friends are worth their weight in gold! Whether things are going well or life is challenging, they are the ones we turn to.
Why not organize something fun with your friends? Make it a celebration of your friendship and share the love
this way instead. Did you know that February 14 in Finland is a day dedicated to friends?
Tip #2: Surprise someone you love
You may not have a boyfriend in your life, but that doesn't mean you can't surprise someone special to you!
A close friend, your lovely mother or a work colleague who is always there in times of need. Go for a card with a sweet message
or delicious chocolate.
Here you get to activate the whole essence of having a girlfriend: the good feeling it gives you inside to please someone you love.
Tip #3: Find time for your hobbies
Finding time to focus on your passions is not always easy. Life can be hectic and as a result you may end up with little time left
to do other than work. While everyone is enjoying candlelight dinners and other romantic activities, spend some time doing what you love to do.
it is pure SELF-LOVE. Whether it's writing, sports, or some other leisure activity, time spent doing what we love is always money well spent!
The decisive thing is self-love, because it determines what quality of man you attract.
‘
If you're still thinking, arghhh…
If you still feel that you would now like to have one girlfriend to celebrate the day with, so promise yourself,
that what you want to work on will become your reality by next Valentine's Day. If you don't know, start asking others,
whatever it took, be open about it or seek help.
Good dating with the most important person in your life
from Life
Don't give up on love, give up on the wrong men.
Do you also experience that you are close to giving up on love?
So I have a basic solution for this what you can do instead that gives you new blood on the tooth.
After you read the blog, you know what you can do yourself to create chemistry - even if he doesn't have to be your boyfriend
Enter the wrong one
I've never heard anyone say they want to give up something because it's nice, gives energy and joy,
but I often hear,
that it is the pain they want to stop when it comes to love
– such as memories of unloving relationships, emotional abuse, disappointment, jealousy, abuse, or insecurity.
Who wants to feel intimidated, guilty or worthless?
It is, however, another justification that comes before the relationship
namely the fear of rejection at the dating stage.
Hmmm… maybe it's not love you want to give up after all?
Mix the love around
Love is a beautiful feeling,
If the good feelings do not appear in the relationship, how do you react?
- Are you one of those who close in?
- Do you think you are the one who is wrong?
- Have exes been successful in tricking you into thinking you're the culprit?
- you start to doubt yourself – your friends' success, you think tells you: It must be you.
Regardless of the answer, you can find new ways to seek out what the love you long for.
But how can you turn the tide and regain hope?
(NB – this is not the same as suggesting to ignore everything that is not beautiful at first – quite the opposite)
This is how you create chemistry - and achieve hope
Whatever the reasons, many get discouraged at the mere thought of dating – or another date.
It is crucial to find the desire or the motivation, otherwise you will not find the love.
Therefore, from the first contact, the first text from the date that you find interesting
make sure you create a good feeling inside you.
Avoid it -again- drifting down the walls in endless disappointment.
Who wants that? Even voluntarily!
Imagine that the next date you go on is like creating an exotic dish
Cultivate the chemistry in the relationship, like when you cook a delicious dinner dish.
Of course, you don't start by being disappointed that the tomatoes are just lying there,
like when the man just sits there, with his completely ordinary appearance
In itself, the tomatoes are not a special exotic dish.
Add young cock, white wine vinegar and Aphrodite's oregano.
Then it should simmer, as you do for the next half hour in contact with your date.
Use the time well
- sense... how does the coffee smell,
- feel the feelings the situation evokes – Share them
- Choose the good thoughts - no, now is not the time to consider whether he is enough.
So quickly and easily I have never explained how we ourselves create chemistry.
(no, it's not by waiting and assessing)
Create experiences you want to repeat
If you are hoping for good feelings to arise on the date
you just start cultivating them.
You don't need to tire your brain with a lot of nasty questions
Better be present and express your presence
This does not mean that you must be lovers
You are just going from despair to hope.
Goodbye pain
Goodbye pain:
- Because you liver the love
- when you settle for enjoy the fellowship (he neither can nor will save you)
- you don't take bigger steps than you are ready for
- where you don't do exhausting things without desire.
True love is honest and energizing
SEE it's love.
Life :-)
Are you ruining the relationship before it even starts?
do you know that that it causes problems in the relationship because you confuse disappointment in him with actually being hurt or angry with him?
Have you noticed that the man quickly feels criticized?
Read here how to express your feelings in a more successful way.
After you read the blog, you know how to fix it before you ruin the relationship.
When disappointment destroys the relationship
Dear beautiful woman
Might as well be you, I'm talking to, where it suits you,
that you sabotage the relationship, or the relationship before it has started?
If you don't, you unconsciously push him away from you because he senses criticism.
Hear what you can do to fix it.
Separate yourself from the critic
My husband is also quite vulnerable to criticism, so I know there is a gender difference here
Either because as a woman I find it quite easy to express disappointment towards him as a man,
maybe it just shows clearly on my face.
When a man feels that he "can never make you happy", he feels inadequate
and can very easily come to the decision that he does not see himself as the man for you.
Men LEAVE a relationship when they no longer feel like a man.
Listen to this sign
For example, has a man ever said to you, “I feel like I just can't make you happy”?
This is a symptom of sabotage in a relationship.
A person who feels unable to bring the other joy
due to scrutiny or claims.
Prepare yourself
Make sure to come up with a statement of feelings in the right way
and make sure to be aware of how you talk to him so he really hears you,
It could be that you just want to express how you feel.
yet women often use emotion statements completely wrong.
Avoid this
It is crucial that you don't blame him. Remember to express the essential, which is,
how you experience it when, for example, you feel hurt.
This is about YOU, not the man.
and it is definitely NOT to get a desired result.
Notice your feelings
Getting to know your feelings can take time and practice.
Everyone in your life and every moment is an opportunity to practice.
When you open up your heart and share your vulnerabilities,
you reveal your true heart and focus on the good.
It will make the man feel relaxed in your company.
Here he has the opportunity to feel like a man in your presence,
That feels VERY good for him!
Focus on the project
Remember, men LOVE to have a job. Not necessarily a 'job' but a 'task',
where he gets to be the man
and take care of something in a way only a man can.
It can be easy
Feminine energy moves slowly, it is not linear, so you can expect,
that it will take time to master these feminine energy techniques,
but still, you will start seeing results with your dating men or your husband pretty quickly.
Although you may find it difficult now, you can learn how to find your true,
real feelings and share them with a man when you come from the feminine energy.
What is behind disappointment?
Finding our feelings often means going past the first feeling,
– this is usually a feeling of disappointment.
I encourage you to go deeper beyond anger, disappointment and sadness.
There is always a fear lurking and it is your heart that speaks.
The loving focus
Finally, focus as much as possible on the GOOD things a man does for you.
Any little thing he does to help, or be kind…
let him know how it feels!
Even if it's as little as giving you a napkin or taking a clean shirt on the counter!
***
Have fun with the love from Liv
About John's Life
I am your love therapist coach & relationship expert, blogger and trauma therapist. Finding love has been big for me and I'd love to help you right away. I know nothing better than to help others clear obstacles out of the way so that love becomes a natural part of life. I do that with people from all over the world. Read more: About Life John's
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