AM I WITH THE RIGHT ONE?

Is he the one I should move on with? Experienced by many as almost impossible to answer. If there is stormy desire… but will it last? If he is easy to talk to... but is there enough desire?

And look, there's the creeping past...

which also contains heartbreak, failure and bad relationship experiences. The one who creates 'the fear of it happening again'. Or even worse. This makes it difficult to assess whether it is the perfect love or true love. Maybe you need to do away with the fact that you become emotionally dependent too quickly and this is easily activated in a new relationship. It clouds your judgment. Because meeting someone new is an emotional thrill.

 Therefore, I will give you 3 questions if you are confused about whether he is the right one.

I love you not only for who you are, but also for who I become when I am with you                                                                                                                                                                                  unknown

The above quote is the very short answer to how you find out if he is the right one. Let me elaborate…

 

1. ARE WE BOTH WILLING TO COMPROMISE?

A relationship can only be about compromise, not sacrifice. If one partner always has to buy the plane ticket/change their plans/give up their dreams, then the relationship is one-sided and the other's needs are not being met.

Women have come to me with deep depressions if that pattern has gone on too long.

The one thing you can do is…

Be aware that you are not constantly driving in the victim - executioner theme. It is highly combustible relationship material that ends in arguments or internal conflicts. More importantly, you get to know his character better. Does he become too stubborn, does he lack flexibility or a basic empathy? (you don't want a psychopath)

In other words, you get the opportunity to answer a lot of crucial questions about the theme of compromise.

In a loving relationship, you will work together to overcome obstacles, and compromises will be necessary on both sides.

The other thing you can do is…

Whenever you disagree, be especially careful that you stick to your need and only say 'I'. For example, I need a home evening when you disagree with him saying: "Come on, aren't we going out to have fun?" Rather than driving 'you' the problem: Such as... you also always want to be in the city. Rather say… how can we have a fun night together? If you have difficulty handling different needs, there will be too much struggle in the relationship. Do you want it?

 2. WHAT ARE YOU MISSING?

The woman looked at me blankly, sighed and said she missed feeling his presence. Feel the LOVE in capital letters. It was not the joy of being good at living together and having children that was important. Where it's just safe. But the big, wild, uncontrollable love that takes you on an adventure. But… how and was it possible?

The same woman oscillated between demanding he guess what she needed and then fulfilling it. Or she retreated into her own universe.

So what are you missing? Whether you've just met him or known him for a long time,

1. start by defining what you miss. Is it romance, wildness, mindblowing sex, long conversations or more spontaneity?
2. Go for this with him you have already chosen. Express it. Either directly verbally, show a magazine that illustrates it, a picture, talk about a trip, or…
3. Here comes the most important thing! Take ownership of your loss. Explore what it will do for you. So you start your own journey of discovery, rather than sit back as a victim or give up.

 3. HAVE YOUR FOCUS IN THE RIGHT PLACE

When we doubt, it is easy to see the other person's faults. Everything you wish he did differently and gave your relationship that he doesn't give at all.

Here I want to teach you something new. Something I myself do daily and my life has never been more satisfying.

Every time you think about, are preoccupied with, or consider whether the relationship is now also good enough. Say: Pause!

You may be preoccupied with…

• What he thinks about you
• If he likes you
• How hard it is that he doesn't listen intently enough

My point here is: The only right place you can have your focus is with yourself. Because you can never change him. And only you know what it's like to long…

Instead of sitting in the anxious waiting room or in the frustration:

• ask him! what he likes in your relationship, you know, what he longs for…
• notice how his failure to meet your needs affects you. Stay at home in yourself and notice how it affects you.

Otherwise, it will be the little girl who doesn't think her parents gave her enough love. Only you, the grown woman, know what you want and that you can work to find it.

Otherwise, start a course if you don't know how.

Is he the right one for you?

Let me start by sharing a rule of thumb with you. Then you will also get an answer why the above quote, is your answer to whether he is right for you.

• Notice how you feel about yourself when you go back home after being with him. Or when you are on your way to his house. Do you have a good feeling?
• Do you feel lovely and good enough as who you already are?

If you don't have a good feeling, it could either be that there are important needs you haven't addressed, or that he isn't a good enough man for you.

If you can answer 'Yes', there is a clear basis for exploring the above 3 questions. Give it 3 months to investigate further. And decide whether you want to continue after that.

Have a nice journey answering…

Why would I say yes to dating him?