Do you know it??

You get the feeling that you are just the background on which he paints? Where you yourself disappear in other people's conflicts. Maybe even that you have to save him because it's so hard – argh…

So read here… 

• What is good to do on the first date
• And the simple but indispensable thing you must never ignore in the beginning of the relationship
• Why is it so hard to say it out loud?

After reading the blog…

When you have read the blog, you will know more about what it takes for dating to be a good and fun experience.

Can you keep your balance on the 1st date?

Maybe you already think from home that you want to keep a light atmosphere and yet serious get-togethers. Where you neither blurt out your entire life story – nor are you totally cool and reserved out of sheer nervousness.

And you comply with all that.

He just doesn't.

He completely forgot to consider: "What if he gets too emotionally involved and can't keep his balance himself."

Suddenly you are on the sidelines and experience yourself as his couples therapist.

Totally overlooked as wonderful girlfriend potential.

Reasons not to reveal too much – too soon

So why is it not so smart to give away too much about your personal life on first dates.

Telling too much about private details can be overwhelming for both you and him.

Be it work problems, family problems and your past relationships.

Even if these challenges on your way say everything about you, dating is more about you wanting to get to know each other more.

What does the conflict say about you?

It is crucial to focus on a good dating experience where you get to know each other.

Then it is not a good starting point if he starts to think whether you are problematic.

Therefore, avoid putting yourself in that situation.

Another weighty reason is if we get too emotionally upset.

This makes it difficult to build a good relationship at the same time if we are preoccupied with our own problems

Where the problems are clearer than your date.

If… what can you do?

Imagine that already on one of the first dates, he mentions his ex in a certain problem.

I would recommend that you respond to that. Just with a small note.

Maintain that you and him must be in the center as it is right now

'you and him', it's about.

Keep the focus on yourself

Therefore... notice how it actually feels like he has made the ex into a problem. Although you only notice this when you get home. So use it as valuable knowledge for next time. Because you are already in the process of creating the kind of relationship you have dreamed of all your life.

It may be that you notice you get restlessness in the solar plexus or tense your jaws. Whatever you notice, share this with him. Or say in a light way: "I can feel myself getting very restless/worried."

And add,

I don't know how to solve this for you.

And finally let him answer this!

You can also choose the direct route

If you would like to keep yourself a little more distant at first, you can choose to ask straight out:

"Do you wish she was the one sitting here so you could sort it out?"

It's a pretty direct way, but you show him how it can feel to have to listen to their problems.

In addition, you will be shown that you would like to be allowed to experience yourself as the most significant at this moment.

Depending on the reaction you get, you then have to decide whether you want to break up - or stay.

When it's hard to say out loud

There can be several reasons why it is difficult to react to him talking about the ex.

It may partly be that you at least don't want to come across as the jealous type,

don't seem too cold and indifferent

or that you have come to take the Little Girl with you to town.

She who is not mature enough to take care of herself when the real world does not feel nice.

Here it can be good to just go to the toilet. To give you time to shake off the Little Girl.

When you come back after focusing on you, as a grown woman, you will be better able to handle the situation.

 

Stick to the fact that you want to get a light and pleasant first impression of each other.

Have fun creating dates you look forward to

Life :-)